Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
