OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
