Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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