if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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