God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
