Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
