I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
