i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize