it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
