i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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