hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
pop tarts are not kleenex
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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