I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
