i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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