yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
