Your mouth is God's brothel.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
