My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
