they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
