I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
