Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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