I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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