just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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