We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
