Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize