Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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