I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
