you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
