"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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