Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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