My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
