and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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