Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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