You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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