I love black thongs
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
