Old men and throwing up are my life now.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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