If i come over, it means nothing
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
