I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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