we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
