with your own penis?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
