I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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