tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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