so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
