Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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