everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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