Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
it's like heaven, but drunker
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
