oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
