I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
