in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
