I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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