I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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