she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
