I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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