She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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