I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
im holly from the hills drunk
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
