I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
