Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
