some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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