I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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