Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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