what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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