At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
