Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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