You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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