just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
